Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Scared Silly

I am fricken terrified of having kids. Truly scared spit less. To make matters worse, I’m not really sure why. Zdalebaby and I were talking about it last night. He’s ready, and half of me agrees with him. The other half is running away, as fast as possible, screaming NOOOOOOOO!!!

I’m 34, if I’m going to have any kids, it’s time to start. On the plus side, all my friends are doing it. No, I don’t mean I am a lemming; it is a bonus that my kids will have friends to grow up with. My family is far away, so I love the fact that I have a great support group in my friends, that my kids will have “Aunts & Uncles” here in town. My father was the youngest of 14. When I was growing up, my life was filled with extended family. Family functions were always filled with kids and grown-up have fun. Good times. So having my friends in the same time of life as I am, well, I consider it to be a good thing.

On the negative side, kids are a big responsibility. BIG RESPONSIBILITY!!!! HUGE! TERRIFING! To have and raise a child, to take on them for the rest of your life, to make sure they become happy, productive people. I am so afraid I’m going mess them up. I’m afraid of having to raise them on my own. I’m not afraid that Zdalebaby will leave me, but I am horribly afraid of something happening to him and me being left alone to care for them. I can take care of myself, financially, barely, but taking care of children and myself? My mouth is dry, I’m so scared of the idea. Shudder!


1 peanut said...

I so thought the same thing. It took J 4 years to talk me into having peanut, and not that I don't love him but he will be my only peanut. I;m just happy with the one I have and don't need anymore. However I have friends that have 2 or 3 children and they play together so nice and don't take up as much of your time because they have palymates.

It's really scary at first but then you get used to it. You really do. I didn't believe anybody when they told me that, but it's true. Now it's hard to even remember what our life was like before he got here.

I thought I might have regrets about having him, and worried about that most of my pregnancy, but I have none. And I wouldn't know what to do without him now.

And you said it yourself, you have a large group of supportive friends, if anything ever happened to Zdalebaby (god forbid), you would be ok.

woah, sorry, loooong comment.

Carrie said...

I know you are right, but the rational part hasn't won over the emotional part yet. I figure 6 months or so and I'll be ready to start trying.

Elliwati said...

We talked about it all the time. but I'm not ready, I'm even a year older than you.
My mom is keep bugging me about having a kid.
But certainly not going to have my baby grow up in Holland !

Alpha DogMa said...

I advise (and yes, I know you didn't ask for my 2 cents but I don't care - I'm rude like that) is to think about it in small steps. Psych youself up for the steps of pregnancy:
1. I'm ready to have unprotected sex
2. I'm ready to try and be pregnant.
3. I'm ready to be pregnant.
4. I'm ready to push a human person out of my innards. Okay, no one is really ready for this step, but the alternative it to keep the kid up there forever and no one ever wants this be a reality.

I personally planned for steps 1 & 2 to take many months. But it was one shot and I was on to step 3. Definitely hold off until after this Girls Trip you are taking with your friend. Don't want details to undermine your fun/drinking.